When you struggle with Fibromyalgia, Anxiety, and Depression it can be hard to get out of the house. Between pain, fatigue, and the occasional bout of ennui, I don’t get out as much as I would like.
Today however, I took advantage of a low symptom day and went to check out the magnolia blossoms (now in bloom!) at the San Francisco Botanical Gardens, and wow did it do the trick.
As a single woman over 30 I'm often bombarded with the inevitable, "so, are you seeing anyone?" question, and right now I have to stop myself from saying, "I just can't be bothered with dating right now" because I don't think people will understand (especially Grandma- you know how Grandmas are). Maybe it's the Holiday hang-over, I mean, you can only be asked if you're dating someone so many times by so many people at so many parties before you start to think, "maybe I should date more?" Even if you're quite happily not dating.
Because let's not forget: dating isn't easy, and dating with a chronic syndrome like Fibromyalgia is less easy still, but between all well-intentioned questions and the "New-Year-Means-I-Must-Make-Changes-Fever" going around, I found myself tossing around the idea of maybe trying online dating again (I've tried online dating before [for about two weeks, two different times], and I live in a small town and have very few friends as I only moved here last year, so online dating is pretty much my best bet to meet someone, especially as I don't get out much because of Fibro) but I just can't get excited about it!
Both times I tried online dating in the past I found so few people that seemed actually interesting, and so many guys that were actual douchebags it just doesn't seem worth it now that I really think about it to try again if I'm not really into the idea of dating right now (and if we're being honest, I just don't think that being annoyed with people asking you if you're dating is enough of a reason to start dating), so if you like me, can't be bothered with actively dating right now- know you aren't alone!
Sometimes you get mad. Sometimes, when you get mad, you are inevitably and inexplicably forced to process what happened to trigger such a passionate response in yourself. Sometimes as you're processing, you make a connection between past trauma and what you allow for yourself, and it's really hard to be that honest with yourself and to heal and grow through it. Trust me, I know- I've been through this process a million times, I'm going through it again now, and I'm sure I'll go through this or something similar a million more times before I die. C'est le vie and all that, right?
In life, we inevitably and occasionally have to look at how we deal with things; at what we allow for ourselves and how that fits into what we've been conditioned to allow or believe about ourselves. I know a lot of people with chronic physical and/or mental illness, people like me, who struggle with feelings of worth, and I want to take this time to tell you that your feelings matter. That you matter, and are relevant. I want you to know, no matter what, that your needs deserve to be met. You are not a burden, you carry a burden and that is NOT the same thing.
Holy cow, it's whole new year! 2018 was an incredible year, and we can't wait to see what's in store for 2019! The FSC started on Instagram in October 2017, and in 2018 we increased our presence to Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, and Spotify. We even started an Online Community for our Members!
I founded The Fibro-Strong Collective because I felt isolated and misunderstood, and I figured most Spoonies felt something pretty similar, so I decided to do something about it. I would be lying if I said that it has been an absolute joy to have so many conversations and interactions with our community, and knowing there are other people going through the same things I go through has been so helpful! I can't thank you enough for making me feel less alone, and I hope this community has done something similar for you!
As we move into the New Year and start making new plans and goals, I thought it best to start with thanking you all for last year first, because we couldn't have done it without you, so THANK YOU, and here's to more great things from The FSC 2019!
FSC Founder and Fabulous Fibro-Fighter